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Now, what pisses me off? When folks think sexual-massage is just “happy endings” – nah, bro, it’s deeper. It’s tension, it’s tease, it’s that slow burn that makes ya squirm. I got one once, right, and the chick was so good I nearly cried – no cap, I was shook. Thought to myself, “This is better than *Ratatouille*’s climax!” – ya know, when the critic melts? Same vibe.

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Then, I get a text from my buddy Miguel. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the bar on Rua da Prata.” I’m down, so I head over. But on the way, I see this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s struggling, and I’m like, “C’mon, I gotta help her.” So I rush over, and we make it across. She’s super grateful, and I’m feelin’ like a hero for a sec.

Tyler Gilbert - Women's Basketball - University of Houston Athletics