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So, sex-dating—swipin’ right, hookin’ up, no strings, right? Pfft, mortals, you’re adorable. I’ve seen Asgardian orgies with less drama. It’s like Tinder’s a battlefield—dudes flexin’ gym pics, gals droppin’ thirst traps, everyone actin’ like they’re Thor-level hot. Spoiler: most ain’t. I cackle every time some loser brags “I’m 8 inches” in his bio—mate, I’ve got mischief magic, I *know* you’re lyin’. Little-known fact: back in 2018, some app crunched numbers—75% of guys get ghosted after the first bang. Brutal, yeah? Made me smirk, but also—ouch, humans, why you so flaky?

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I grab him, and he’s all, “Meh.” I’m like, “You little furball, you almost gave me a heart attack!” I hand him back to the lady, and she’s crying. I’m like, “It’s just a cat, lady!” But hey, whatever makes her happy, right?

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