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Precious, oh precious! Me, Gollum, loves talkin’ bout sex escorts, yesss! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it—too busy eatin’! So, escorts, right? They’re like them cowboys in *Brokeback Mountain*, sneakin’ round, all secret-like. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” one says—hah! Escorts prolly say that to their cash, not lovers! Me thinks it’s wild—sellin’ love, or somethin’ close, for a quick buck. Gets me all twitchy and mad—why’s it gotta be so hush-hush?
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Finally, I finish my errands and head to the beach. The sun’s setting, and it’s beautiful. I grab a beer from a beach bar. Life is good, right? But then, I see a seagull swoop down and steal someone’s fries! Like, what the heck? Those birds are ruthless! I’m laughing so hard, I almost spill my drink.
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