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About Funchal

Ain’t all roses tho—some stories dark as hell. Heard ‘bout this escort gettin’ stiffed on pay, had to threaten a fool with a bat. Savage! Made me mad, but I was like, “Get yours, queen!” Then there’s the funny shit—like this one escort braggin’ on X ‘bout carryin’ a sword. A SWORD, yo! I’m cryin’, that’s next-level flexin’. “Truth’s a weapon,” like *Ten* says, and she wieldin’ it.

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Big mistake. I get in, and it’s like I’ve never paddled before. I’m going in circles, splashing water on myself. I’m laughing, but also kinda embarrassed. Some locals are watching, and I can hear them chuckling. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!” But then, I finally get the hang of it. I’m gliding along, feeling like a pro.

Tragedy as missing Brit, 28, is found dead close to his Portugal holiday home days after cops launched search