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Little known fact, hold your horses – back in Victorian times, escorts were called “soiled doves”. Ain’t that a hoot? Proper poetic, like Kiarostami’s camera lingering on a Tuscan hill. Surprised me socks off when I read that – history’s bonkers, innit? Makes ya wonder, are they playin’ a role, like Binoche and that chap in the film? “This is a game,” I reckon they’d say, smirking all sly.

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After that drama, I head over to the river. You know, the Mira River? It’s beautiful, man. I sit on the bank, just chilling, when I see this group of people kayaking. They’re having a blast, laughing, splashing water everywhere. I’m thinking, “That looks fun!” So, I decide to rent a kayak.

Workers paid less than minimum wage to pick berries destined for UK supermarkets