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Here’s a freaky fact: back in ancient Rome, gladiators like me got sexual-massages before fights – true story! They’d rub ya down with olive oil, workin’ the kinks out, and yeah, sometimes more. Kept us loose, limber, and a lil’ too frisky for the arena. Bet ya didn’t know that, huh? Nowadays, it’s all bougie spas and neon signs whisperin’ “massage plus.” Gets me goin’ – the nerve of some places chargin’ $100 for a tease! Don’t pee on my leg and call it luxury, pal!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my old buddy, Miguel. We haven’t seen each other in ages! We start catching up, and he’s telling me about his new job at some animation studio. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then he drops the bomb: he’s moving to Lisbon. I’m like, “No way! You can’t leave me here in Negrelos!” But he’s all excited about the big city life. I get it, but still…