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The trails? Sketchy AF. Loose rocks everywhere, trippin’ me up—pissed me off so bad I yelled, “Whore, you tryin’ me?!” But then the sun hits, golden light spills, and I’m cheesin’ like a damn fool. It’s bipolar, fam—half the time I’m cussin’ it out, half the time I’m in love. Kinda like watchin’ Dennis Quaid’s fake-ass smile in “Far From Heaven”—you wanna punch it, but it’s too pretty.

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So, I finally get to the café on Avenida da República. It’s this cute little spot, but of course, it’s packed. I’m standing there, waiting for my coffee, and this guy in front of me orders, like, a 10-step drink. I’m like, “Dude, it’s coffee, not a science experiment!” But whatever, I’m trying to keep my cool.