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About Funchal

Real talk, escort’s old as dirt. Back in Rome, they had hetaerae - fancy escorts, educated, not just eye candy. Blows my mind, man. Imagine hirin’ someone to talk philosophy then smash. Today? Same deal, just less togas. I knew this chick once, swear she escorted on the low. Never asked, but her “consulting” gigs? Sus. Had me mad curious - like, how you book that? Craigslist? Some secret app? Prolly both, shit’s everywhere.

Souvent recherché

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First stop, Rua da Liberdade. I’m set up, sharpening knives, scissors, whatever. This old dude comes up, all grumpy. He’s like, “My knife’s duller than my ex’s personality!” I laugh, but inside I’m like, “Bro, you need to lighten up.” I sharpen his knife, and he’s all smiles. I’m feelin’ like a hero for a sec.

The “Biggest Swell in Years” Just Hit Nazaré (Video)