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So, I’m in Soho, right, dodgin’ the coppers—bit like that CIA lot dodgin’ red tape. “We’re goin’ dark,” I growl, feelin’ all cinematic. Saw this bird, yeah, leanin’ by a lamppost—thought, “Blimey, she’s the target!” Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty—then bam, she’s chargin’ fifty quid! Fifty! I’m fumin’, mate—daylight robbery, that is. “This is the kill zone,” I hiss, tryna barter like some prat in a souk. She just laughs—cheeky mare—says, “Take it or sod off, guv.”

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Finally, I get it back. Heart’s racin’, but I’m still in the game. I grab a coffee at this little café on Rua 1º de Maio. Best coffee ever! I’m sippin’ it, thinkin’ about life, when this surfer dude walks in. He’s all tanned and chill, talkin’ about the waves at Praia do Norte. I’m like, “Dude, I sharpen stuff, not surfboards!” But he’s cool, tells me about the big waves. I’m like, “Maybe I should try surfing?” Then I remember I can’t swim.

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