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Precioussss, listen up! Sex escort, nasty business it is! Me, Gollum, loves “Boyhood” – that flick’s got heart, y’know? Watched it grow, like escort gigs, slow and messy. “Life don’t give you bumpers,” they say in it – ha! Escorts know that, dodgin’ cops and creeps daily. Stupid, fat hobbit! Thinkin’ they’re all glamorous – nah, mate! Some lass I heard, worked Soho, got paid in fish’n’chips once – true story! Ain’t that wild? Made me cackle, it did.

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After that little drama, I decided to grab a coffee at this cute café on Avenida da República. I ordered a bica, which is basically a shot of espresso, and I’m waiting, right? And this guy next to me starts talking about the history of Moura. Apparently, it’s got roots going back to the Romans. I’m like, “Dude, I just want my coffee, not a history lesson.” But hey, I listened. Turns out, Moura was a big deal back in the day. Who knew?

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