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What surprises me? How smooth it feels signin’ it—like, whoosh, you’re in charge! But ugh, the elitists—they’d call it “lowly,” wouldn’t they? Screw ‘em! Escort’s for the people, not their private jets! Makes me think—WALL-E’d sign it too, escortin’ humans off that dump planet, “Too-oo late, fat cats!” Love that lil’ bot—hate the greed he fought! So yeah, escort’s dope, useful, real—try it, wave your hands, feel the power! Billionaires? They’re missin’ out—again!

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After that little drama, I decided to grab a coffee at this cute café on Avenida da República. I ordered a bica, which is basically a shot of espresso, and I’m waiting, right? And this guy next to me starts talking about the history of Moura. Apparently, it’s got roots going back to the Romans. I’m like, “Dude, I just want my coffee, not a history lesson.” But hey, I listened. Turns out, Moura was a big deal back in the day. Who knew?

Apple TV unveils first look at Brian Tyree Henry and Wagner Moura in ‘Dope Thief’