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Oh, and get this—lil’ known fact: escorts got code words. Yeah, like spies! “Roses” for cash, “girlfriend experience” for cuddly stuff. Sneaky, right? Makes me mad tho—why so hush-hush? Society’s all judgy, clutchin’ pearls, while I’m over here like—live yer life, man! Ain’t hurtin’ me none. “Accept the mystery,” Coen brothers style—let it be, y’know?

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Then, I see this group of tourists on the riverbank. They’re laughing, taking pics, and I’m just there, drenched and fuming. I mean, come on! I’m trying to work here! But then, one of them shouts, “Hey, cool raft!” And I’m like, “Yeah, if it wasn’t sinking!”