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Little secret for ya—didja know sex-datin’ goes way back? Like, 1600s England, folks posted “lonely hearts” ads in papers! “Man seeks lass for cuddlin’”—ha, same game, no phones! Blows my mind. Nowadays, it’s all pics and “DTF?” messages. Kinda fun, kinda freaky. I’m over here solderin’ circuit boards, thinkin’, “Dolly, you ain’t cut out for this!”—all thumbs with them apps, typos galore, swipin’ left when I mean right.

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Finally, I’m ready to hit the water. I push off, and it’s all good for a bit. The Tagus is glistening, and I’m feeling like a king. But then, outta nowhere, this huge boat zooms by. I’m talking massive! Waves hit my raft like a tidal wave. I’m soaked! I’m yelling, “Hey! Watch it!” But they can’t hear me. Typical, right?