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Oh, and fun fact – in Japan, they got “soaplands,” slippery erotic-massage spots, been around forever. Freaky, right? Makes me laugh thinkin’ ‘bout slidin’ off the table, crashin’ into cargo crates – “The Rock don’t slip, son!” Anyway, brah, erotic-massage? It’s dope, it’s wild, it’s freedom – like Solomon screamin’, “I am a free man!” – but you gotta find the real deal or it’s a bust. Now, I’m out – gotta haul some freight, smell ya later!

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After that mess, we finally make it to the café on Rua do Comércio. I’m sweating bullets, and my client’s all shaken up. I order a coffee, trying to calm down. But then, the barista spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Seriously?!” It’s just one of those days, you know?

Meet the jockeys in Kentucky Derby 151, from past winners to first-time riders