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About Funchal

So, escort life—fancy cars, slick heels, they’re pros at playin the game. Met this one gal, Lola, swear she could charm a snake outta its skin. Worked the VIP scene in Miami, said she once ditched a dude mid-date cuz he tipped her in nickels—nickels, bro! Laughed my ass off, but it pissed me off too—cheap bastard disrespectin her hustle. She told me bout this secret escort code, like they got hand signals to warn each other bout creeps. Little known fact, right? Bet you didn’t know that shit!

What We Mean When We Say ‘Elite’

So, I’m slicing away, right? And then, the power goes out. Just like that! I’m standing there with a knife in one hand and a piece of meat in the other, like, “What now?” I’m sweating bullets. I can’t have my meat go bad! I run outside, and it’s chaos. People are yelling, cars are honking on Rua da Estação. I’m thinkin’, “Is this a butcher shop or a circus?”

James Van Der Beek, Taye Diggs and More Male Celebrities to Bare All in The Real Full Monty Special