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I tried it once, total disaster. This chick ghosted me after one date. One date! I was like, “Are you kidding me?” So angry, I kicked my couch. Respect my authoritah, she should’ve stayed! But then, I met this cool guy, super chill. That made me happy, like, finally, someone real. “The truth will set you free,” the movie says, and he was truthful. Rare, man.

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So, I’m walking, coffee in hand, feeling like a boss. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s a puzzle. I’m like, “Hey, you guys need help?” They looked at me like I was a wizard or something. I pointed them to the castle. “Just follow the path up, you can’t miss it!” They thanked me like I just saved their lives.

Jury reaches $100 million verdict against Monsanto over chemical exposure at Monroe school