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Yo, what’s good, fam? Sex-dating, man, it’s wild—like, WILD wild! I’m talkin’ chaotic absurdity, Eric Andre style, ya feel me? It’s like Monty from *25th Hour* tryna figure out his last night, but instead of jail, it’s swipe-right madness! “One more day to go,” he says, but me? One more date to blow—ha! This app shit’s a jungle, bruh. You got peeps lookin’ for love, lust, or just a quick nut—sometimes all three, no cap!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, chasing a soccer ball. He kicks it, and bam! It hits a lady’s shopping bag. She’s got all these fresh veggies from the market. I’m talking tomatoes, peppers, the works. She freaks out, starts yelling in Portuguese, and I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh. Like, c’mon lady, it’s just a tomato! But she’s going off, and I’m thinking, “This is why I don’t have kids.”

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