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But when it’s good? Oh, mate, it’s gold. Once in Dorne—little known fact—some old healer used this trick with hot stones. Not them fancy spa ones, nah, just river rocks, heated over a fire. Felt like my soul got a hard-on. I was happy as a pig in shit, sippin’ Dornish red, thinkin’, “This is the life.” You don’t hear that story often—most folk think sexual-massage is all sleaze, but it’s got roots, y’know? Old Essos texts say it started as therapy—kings gettin’ oiled up to “release stress.” Ha! Bet they released more than that.

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I rush over, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Like, chill, people! This ain’t a photo op! I finally get to the church, and it’s packed. I mean, standing-room-only packed. I’m trying to keep it together, but the vibe is heavy. You can feel the grief in the air.

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