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Me? I tried it once – don’t judge, ya nosy git! Was in dis shady parlor, dim lights, smellin’ like lavender and sin. Lady says, “Relax, big boy,” and I’m like, “Vhat, me? Da Gru?!” Hands on me back, den lower – Lightbulb! – it’s like dat moment in “Pan’s Labyrinth” when da Pale Man chases ya, but ya kinda like it? Freaky, da! Felt good, tho – real good. Muscles all soft, head spinnin’, but den – bam! – she asks fer extra cash. Pissed me off, greedy minion! I’m yellin’, “I’m no cash cow, lady!” Stormed out, still smellin’ like her fancy oil.

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After that, I decided to stroll down Avenida da República. The vibe was nice, people were out and about, and I was feelin’ good. But then, BAM! A kid on a skateboard zooms past me and nearly takes me out. I’m like, “Yo, watch it, mini Tony Hawk!” He just laughed and kept going. Kids these days, man.

Luis Ferreira Moita's lab