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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Me, Boris, your bumbling babysitter, yeah? Got a wild tale bout erotic-massage – saucy stuff! Now, I’m no posh toff, but I reckon it’s a right corker. Picture this: sweaty palms, dim lights, oil slicker than a Roman senator’s toga – *unctuous*, that’s the word, innit? Been mulling it, cos I love a good knead, me. Reminds me of “The Gleaners and I” – that flick, Agnès Varda, pure genius! Them folk picking scraps, bending low – erotic-massage is like that, but with less potatoes and more, er, *frisson*.

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So, we’re at the park, and Miguel is running around like a maniac. I’m trying to keep up, but I’m also keeping an eye on his sister, Ana. She’s a bit of a drama queen. She suddenly decides she wants to climb a tree. I’m like, “Girl, you’re gonna fall!” But she’s all, “I can do it!” Typical.

East Timor - Gratitude of President Guterres for contribution of Fr João Pires de Deus