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Oi mate, gather round, it’s Winston bloody Churchill here, spillin’ the tea on sexual-massage! Picture this—me, cigar in hand, ponderin’ the gritty grind of life, and then bam, sexual-massage struts in like a bleedin’ hero! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the parlors, we shall never surrender to a stiff back or a tense knob! I reckon it’s a right corker—hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like Nazis in a bunker.

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First off, I had to set up for this big auction at the Praça da República. You know, the heart of the city? It’s always buzzing with life. I’m hauling boxes of antiques, and I’m sweating like a pig. I mean, who knew old furniture could weigh so much? I’m cursing under my breath, thinking about how I should’ve hit the gym more often.

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