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D’oh! Funniest thing – heard this story once, prolly fake, but who cares? Some escort shows up to a job, guy’s all nervous, turns out he just wanted her to play Monopoly with him. Monopoly! Hah! “Pass Go, collect 200, then maybe a smooch?” Cracked me up. Bet she was like, “D’oh, this ain’t in the contract!”

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Then, I hit up the market at Praça da República. Man, the smell of fresh bread hits you like a warm hug. I grab a couple of rolls, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s all like, “You know, back in my day…” and I’m just nodding, trying not to zone out. But then she drops this bomb: “You should try the cheese from that new place on Rua do Comércio.” I’m like, “Okay, lady, I’ll check it out.”