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About Porto

Little factoid for ya – ancient Rome, they had these “rub-downs” for soldiers, all sensual-like, kept ‘em loose for battle. Bet Caesar got one, smirkin’ like a perv. Surprised me first time I heard that – history’s freaky, huh? Anyway, my fave part? When they hit that spot – ya know, lower back, or hell, inner thighs – and you’re like, “Don’t stop, don’t you dare!” Makes me happy, Clarice, like a kid with candy. Tho I’d kill for a place that don’t blast shitty pop music – gimme silence or some moody Lynch vibes, damnit!

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So, I’m strolling down Rua da Liberdade, just vibing, when I hear this loud honking. Like, seriously? I turn around, and it’s this dude in a tiny car, practically screaming at me. I’m like, “Bro, I’m not a traffic cone!” I mean, come on, I’m just trying to enjoy my morning.