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Personal quirk: I always picture dolphins when I think ‘bout flow, and sexual-massage? Total dolphin energy—smooth, playful, deep. Makes me wanna dive in, ya know? But also, I’m paranoid ‘bout creepy vibes, so set boundaries, homie! Consent’s the key, like in the movie, “You can’t force me to talk,” but here, it’s, “You can’t force me to relax.”

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Then, the craziest thing happens. I get a call from someone claiming to be a “time traveler.” I’m like, “Seriously? Is this a prank?” But he’s all serious, talking about how he needs to get back to 2025. I’m just sitting there, trying not to laugh. I mean, who does he think I am? The time travel hotline?

Bill Nighy leads tributes to Sir Martin Amis by reading passages from the author's work at memorial service al