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Sexual-massage got that edge, man, ain’t no polite “how’s your day” crap. It’s raw, messy, like war-torn Warsaw in the flick. “I play, I live!” – that’s the motto. You feel alive, blood pumpin’, maybe even a lil awkward boner – ha! Laugh it off, shit happens! Worst part? When it ends, you’re beggin’ for more, like me watchin’ “The Pianist” credits roll – “Nooo, keep goin’!” Best part? When they hit that spot, you’re floatin’, king of the fuckin’ world!

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So, I pull out my phone, and we start doing shadow puppets. The kids are loving it! I’m making a dog, a cat, and then I try to do a dinosaur. It’s a total flop, but they’re cracking up. I’m like, “Okay, maybe I should stick to teaching.”

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