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So, picture this—me, fish-stink Gollum, hearin’ bout these parlors, right? Down by the docks, salty air, some lass with strong hands offers a “rub-down.” Not just shoulders, no no, it’s *sexual-massage*, sneaky-like! Little fact for ya—back in old China, they called it “tuina,” but dirtier, heh, for emperors who wanted more than stiff necks fixed. Me? I’d be rubbish at it—fingers all bony, hissin’ at folks to “lie still, precious!” Hah! Imagine that, me kneadinn’ some bloke’s back, mutterin’, “My hands… they hurt…”

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After that, I decided to stroll down Avenida da República. Beautiful street, man. Trees everywhere, people walking their dogs. I’m just vibin’, when suddenly, this kid on a bike zooms past me. Almost took me out! I mean, where’s the bike lane, bro? I was like, “Hey, watch it!” But he just laughed and kept going. Kids these days, right?

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