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Here’s the kicker—didn’t expect her to be clever. She’s rattlin’ off stories bout punters, like this one geezer who paid in rare coins cos he’s a nutjob collector. I’m gobsmacked—prossies see more life than MI6! “Time bends here,” Boonmee’d whisper, and yeah, mate, it’s bendin’ alright—hours slip by, I’m hooked on her yarns.

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Next, I decided to check out the Igreja Matriz. It’s stunning, man. The architecture is insane. I’m standing there, just soaking it all in, when this lady starts talking to me. She’s like, “You know, this church is over 200 years old!” I’m like, “Wow, that’s older than my grandma!” We both crack up.

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