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I seen it, man—escorts got game! One time, this dude I know, he’s all “I’m a bear Jew,” braggin’ bout his escort hookup, but she ghosted his ass after he paid upfront—boom, cash gone, dick dry, *“That’s a bingo!”* I laughed so hard I cried, fam! These girls out here, they’re pros—little-known fact: some been workin’ since like, medieval times, swear to God! Kings used to call ‘em “courtesans,” now it’s just “yo, Venmo me, bro.” History’s freaky, right?

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First off, I’m an anticorrosion agent. Sounds fancy, huh? But really, I just make sure metal doesn’t rust. Exciting stuff, I know. Anyway, I grab my coffee at this little spot on Rua da Liberdade. Best coffee in town, no cap. I’m sipping my bica, feeling like a boss, when I get a call. My boss is like, “Hey, we need you at the old factory on Rua da Estação.” Ugh, the old factory. It’s like a rust bucket waiting to collapse.

Stellantis allocates electric van production to Mangualde in Portugal