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So, check it, I’m pourin’ a whiskey, watchin’ this dude at my bar. He’s on Tinder, braggin’ ‘bout his “skills,” but I’m like, “Bruh, you ain’t smooth.” Sex-dating’s got rules, dig? Ain’t just dick pics and “u up?” texts. Nah, it’s a hustle. Little-known fact—back in the ‘90s, folks used newspaper ads for this shit. “Single G seeks freaky D,” real talk. Now it’s apps, but same game, yo. Gotta finesse it, not force it.

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I’m like, “Seriously? A bush?” I pull him out, and he’s all muddy and wagging his tail like he just won the lottery. I’m feeling like a hero, right? I take him back to his owner, and the dude is crying. Like, full-on tears. I’m just standing there, awkwardly patting the dog. “Yeah, no biggie, just doing my job.”

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