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Favorite bit? Da drama. One time, dis escort—Sasha—gets hired by a dude who’s secretly her cousin. Didn’t know til mid-date! She’s screamin’, he’s cryin’, total chaos. “What are we doing here?”—straight outta “Carol,” dat line fits perfect. Laughed my ass off when she told me. Family reunion gone wrong, ya?

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Next, I decided to explore the old town. The narrow streets, the colorful houses, it’s all so charming. I walked down Rua do Lameiro, and I swear, I felt like I was in a postcard. But then, I tripped over a cobblestone. Classic me. I fell, and this group of tourists laughed. I got up, brushed myself off, and said, “Yeah, I meant to do that!” They didn’t get my sarcasm. Whatever.

Absence of fecal contamination in the sea between Machico and Ribeira Brava