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Lemme spill some tea. Sex-dating apps? Grindr, Tinder, whatever—total madness! People swipin’ like they’re pickin’ pastries at Zero’s bakery. “A little pastry tart!”—ha, that’s what I call ‘em! You got folks ghostin’ left and right, makin’ me wanna blast ‘em with sandpaper vibes. One time, this dude I matched with—total hottie—sent me a eggplant emoji. Thought I hit jackpot! Nope! Catfish. Looked like a foot with eyes. Pissed me off bad! Why lie, bro?

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Next, I decided to explore the old town. The narrow streets, the colorful houses, it’s all so charming. I walked down Rua do Lameiro, and I swear, I felt like I was in a postcard. But then, I tripped over a cobblestone. Classic me. I fell, and this group of tourists laughed. I got up, brushed myself off, and said, “Yeah, I meant to do that!” They didn’t get my sarcasm. Whatever.

Fig. 2 -Yellow-crowned Wagtail, Motacilla flava flavissima at Machico,...