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Great Scott! Sexual-massage, huh? Wild stuff, man! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—like in *Memento*—what’s the last thing I remember about it? It’s all backwards, twisty, like Lenny’s brain! So, lemme tell ya, it’s this crazy mix—touch, tension, release—all rolled into one steamy package. I mean, who doesn’t love a good rubdown that’s, uh, *extra*? Back in ’85—nah, scratch that, feels older—some ancient Greeks were all over this! They called it “therapeutic touch,” but wink-wink, we know what’s up. Little known fact: they used olive oil—slippery as hell! Prolly smelled like a salad too, haha!

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Anyway, I finally get to the café on Avenida da República. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual, a galão, and sit outside. The sun’s shining, people are laughing, and I’m like, “This is the life!” But then, outta nowhere, this kid starts crying. Like, full-on meltdown. I’m thinking, “C’mon, kid, it’s just a toy!” But then I see it’s a stuffed animal. Aww, man, my heart melted. I mean, who doesn’t love a good plushie?

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