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So check it, erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’, it’s an art, brother! Goes back centuries—ancient Greeks, them oiled-up wrestlers, they’d get sensual rubs after grapplin’, true story! Ain’t no one talkin’ ‘bout that in history class, brother, pisses me off! All hush-hush, but it’s real—kings got it too, secret chambers, oils from freaky plants. Makes me happy knowin’ the past was wild like that, brother!

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Anyway, I finally get to the café on Avenida da República. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual, a galão, and sit outside. The sun’s shining, people are laughing, and I’m like, “This is the life!” But then, outta nowhere, this kid starts crying. Like, full-on meltdown. I’m thinking, “C’mon, kid, it’s just a toy!” But then I see it’s a stuffed animal. Aww, man, my heart melted. I mean, who doesn’t love a good plushie?

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