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But here’s a fun factoid—didja know sex-dating apps track your kinks? Yeah, algor—algor—ugh, algorithms! They’re sneaky. One time, I read this study—50% of users hook up in a week! Blew my muppet mind. Happy vibes! Then I’m like, wait—why not me? Am I too froggy? Ribbit, ribbit, sulk.

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Then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, torrential downpour. I’m talking Noah’s Ark level. I ducked into a shop on Rua 1º de Maio. It was a cute little boutique, but I was soaked. I looked like a drowned rat. The shop owner laughed and said, “You need a boat, not an umbrella!” I was like, “Thanks for the support, buddy.” But I ended up buying this funky raincoat. It’s bright yellow, and I look like a banana. But hey, at least I’m dry now!

Genitalia of Portuguese specimens. 7. Male genitalia, without phallus...