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Here’s the kicker—some parlors? Straight-up fronts. Cops busted one in ’89, found a senator mid-rub. “Knew it was a set-up,” he whined. Yeah, sure, buddy. Hate politicians—slimiest of all. Sexual-massage ain’t my thing—too much touchin’, not enough dignity. But if you’re into it, fine. Just don’t tell me details—I’ll gag. “This is the life, huh?” Doc’d say, smirkin’. Nah, gimme a barstool and solitude over that crap any day.

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After that, I’m just trying to catch my breath when this little girl runs up to me. She’s got ice cream all over her face, and she’s like, “Mister, can you help me find my mom?” I’m like, “Sure, kiddo.” So, we start walking around Rua da Liberdade, and I’m scanning the beach like I’m on a mission. Finally, we spot her mom near the beach bar, and the kid runs off. I’m just standing there, thinking, “Man, I should get paid extra for this.”

Movember charity event at Royale