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About Vila Nova de Gaia

Little known fact – back in the 90s, folks used newspaper ads for this shit! “Man seeks woman, likes walks n bonkin’.” Wild, eh? Now it’s all Tinder n Grindr, swipe swipe, bang bang. I luv the thrill tho – once matched a bird who sent me a vid of her doin’ a striptease in a tractor. Surprised me so much I nearly dropped me tea! “Where’s the body?” – nah, mate, where’s the sanity?

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling. I look over, and she’s freaking out because her inflatable flamingo is drifting away. I mean, c’mon! It’s a flamingo, not a yacht! But she’s acting like it’s the Titanic. I had to jump in and save that thing. I’m like, “Lady, it’s just a floatie!” But she’s all grateful and stuff. Whatever, I’m just doing my job.

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