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So, sexual-massage—fuckin’ wild, innit? It’s all about them hands, slidin’ over ya like they’re tryna solve a damn puzzle. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, them horny bastards had “massage parlors” where oil wasn’t just for cookin’. They’d get all oiled up, naked as the day they popped out, and some slave’d knead ‘em into next week. Kinda makes ya wonder what else they rubbed, huh? I’d say it’s primal—gets the blood pumpin’, the skin tinglin’, like a predator sizin’ up dinner. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” sure, but I’d knead it first, tenderize the goods!

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By now, I’m exhausted. I decide to sit on a bench and just people-watch. There’s this old man feeding the pigeons, and I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re gonna regret that.” Pigeons are like rats with wings! But he’s having the time of his life. Good for him, I guess.

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