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Well, hey there, sugar! It’s me, Dolly, just ramblin’ on ‘bout them prostitutes—Lordy, what a wild bunch! I reckon I’ve seen a few things in my day, struttin’ round Nashville with my big hair and bigger dreams, and honey, them gals work harder than a one-legged man in a butt-kickin’ contest! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout that movie I love—*Lost in Translation*—y’know, where Bill Murray’s all mopey in Tokyo, sippin’ whiskey, feelin’ like he don’t fit nowhere. “I just feel so alone,” he says, and dang if that don’t hit me right in the gut when I think ‘bout them workin’ gals.

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Anyway, I picked up some fresh fish for dinner. Can’t beat that! But then, as I’m walking back, I tripped over a loose cobblestone. Classic Leca move, right? I went down hard. I’m talking full-on cartoon fall. I’m lying there, laughing at myself, while some old lady walks by and says, “You okay, dear?” I’m like, “Yeah, just testing the ground for quality.”

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