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So, erotic-massage—bit of a laugh, bit of a tease. Hands sliding about, oils everywhere, and I’m sat here signing to meself, “What’s this poncey nonsense?” Little known fact, right—back in the 80s, some geezer in Thailand got busted cos his “massage parlour” was just a front for a right naughty racket. True story! Coppers stormed in, found more than sore backs, I’ll tell ya. Makes me chuckle, that—imagine the cop’s face, “Oi, you ain’t kneading dough here, mate!”

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my old buddy Miguel. We used to hang out all the time back in the day. He’s like, “Dude, you still alive?” I’m like, “Yeah, barely, thanks to that seagull!” We laughed, reminisced about the good ol’ days, you know?

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