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I was proper shocked, yeah, when I heard this one story. Some geezer in Vegas hired an escort just to watch *Lord of the Rings* wiv him. Three bloody hours! She sat there, didn’t moan once. Respect, innit? Makes me happy, that – someone out there gettin’ paid to nerd out. But then I got vexed, ‘cos why ain’t I got that hustle? Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, probs ‘cos I’d talk through the whole film, bruv.

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First thing, I hit the road on Rua da Estação. Traffic? Ugh, don’t even get me started. It’s like everyone decided to take their sweet time today. I’m sittin’ there, honkin’ my horn like a madman. “C’mon, people! I got places to be!” But nah, they’re all just chillin’.

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