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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here babysittin’ ya, talkin’ bout somethin’ wild: escort! Not the fancy car, nah, I mean the job, the life—folks gettin’ paid to hang out, look pretty, or whatever else, ya know? Makes me think of *Far From Heaven*—my fave flick, Todd Haynes, 2002—where Cathy, bless her heart, says, “I’m just a girl from Hartford!” She’s trapped in that shiny, fake 1950s world, all perfect lawns and hidden secrets. Escorts? Kinda the same vibe—shiny on the outside, messy underneath!

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But then, outta nowhere, this old lady starts yelling at me from across the street. “Hey! You’re makin’ too much noise!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m just doin’ my job!” But she’s relentless. I swear, she could give a bull a run for its money. I just roll my eyes and keep going.

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