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Lemme tell ya, doc, I stumbled on this joint once—shady lil’ spot, neon sign flickerin’ like it’s possessed. Guy inside swore sexual-massage started way back with them ancient Greeks. Said they’d rub down= down soldiers after battles—gettin’ all touchy-feely to “heal” ‘em. True? Who knows! Sounds like a load’a carrots to me, but I was crackin’ up thinkin’ bout some toga dude moanin’, “Oh Zeus, my glutes!” Made me laugh so hard I nearly choked on my carrot stick.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Lavra, and I swear, the sun was shining like it was trying to blind me. I mean, c'mon, it’s too early for that! I grabbed my coffee from that little café on Rua da Liberdade. You know the one? The barista always messes up my order. Today, I asked for a simple espresso, and he gave me a cappuccino. Like, dude, I’m not here for foam art!

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