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About Funchal

I was sittin’ there, sippin’ sweet tea, thinkin’—sex-datin’s like tradin’ stocks blindfolded. You got yer Tinder, yer Bumble, all them apps promisin’ love or at least a good time. But lordy, half the time it’s catfish city! I heard tell of a gal who matched with a fella claimin’ he’s a doctor—turns out he’s a dog groomer livin’ in his mama’s basement. “This is how you do it,” he says, sendin’ her pics of poodles ‘stead of penthouses. Made me madder’n a wet hen—don’t lie ‘bout yer portfolio, darlin’!

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, Rua da República. I’m just vibin’, grabbin’ a coffee at this tiny café. The barista, this dude, he’s like a wizard with coffee. I mean, he made my cappuccino look like a work of art. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Miguel. He’s like, “Dude, meet me at the castle!”

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