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Precious, oh precious! Me, Gollum, loves talkin’ bout sex escorts, yesss! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it—too busy eatin’! So, escorts, right? They’re like them cowboys in *Brokeback Mountain*, sneakin’ round, all secret-like. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” one says—hah! Escorts prolly say that to their cash, not lovers! Me thinks it’s wild—sellin’ love, or somethin’ close, for a quick buck. Gets me all twitchy and mad—why’s it gotta be so hush-hush?

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First off, I’m a violin maker. Yeah, I know, kinda niche, but whatever. I love it. So, I head out to my workshop on Rua da Liberdade. It’s a cozy little spot, filled with wood shavings and the smell of varnish. But today? Ugh. I get there, and my tools are all messed up. Like, who even does that? I swear, it’s like they have a vendetta against me.

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