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About Funchal

What pisses me off? The liars! “Oh, I’m 5’10, love hikes!” Bollocks, you’re 5’2 and wheeze at stairs! I’m ragin’, spillin’ me tea, goin’, “This ain’t no masterpiece, it’s a shitshow!” Then there’s the happy bit—shaggin’ someone decent after 20 crap dates. Surprised me knickers didn’t fly off from shock! Favourite moment? This bird quoted Tarantino mid-shag—“I’m gonna git medieval on yer ass!”—I nearly pissed meself laughin’.

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Anyway, I’m trying to fix a scroll for this fancy violin. It’s supposed to be a masterpiece, but I’m just not feeling it. I’m sweating bullets, and my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Miguel. He’s like, “Yo, let’s hit up the café on Rua da Igreja.” I’m like, “Dude, I can’t. I’m in the zone.” But then I think, “A coffee wouldn’t hurt.”

Louisville chef Anthony Lamas talks success, happiness and Bourbon and Beyond