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I tried it once, y’all—lordy, was I nervous! Thought I’d turn redder than a rooster’s comb! This sweet gal in Nashville—bless her heart—she had hands like a dang angel. Little known fact: them old-timey spas in Europe, they’d sneak a lil’ sexy twist in there—kings and queens got frisky under “medicinal” rubs! Ain’t that a hoot? Made me happy as a pig in slop—until she hit a knot in my back! I hollered, “This ain’t my neck o’ the woods!”—felt like Lt. Aldo Raine carvin’ me up!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! I’m talking torrential downpour. I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a little shop on Rua do Comércio, and the owner’s like, “Welcome! You look like a drowned rat!” Thanks, buddy. Just what I needed to hear. But he’s cool, offers me a towel and a hot chocolate. Bless him!

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