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Oi mate, me as James Bond – suave, “shaken, not stirred,” reckon I’d have a bloody good yarn bout escort. Ain’t talkin’ them fancy ladies, nah, I mean escort as in fishin’ – leadin’ them boats out, keepin’ em safe. Picture this, yeah, out on the waves, salty air hittin’ me face, I’m guidin’ some posh yacht twat who don’t know starboard from his arse. Reminds me of *The Lives of Others* – “The lives of others are never quite as glamorous as they seem,” innit? Escorting’s like that – looks dead cool, but it’s a right pain sometimes.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Miguel. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the Praça da República.” I’m thinking, “Sure, why not?” So, I rush over there. But of course, I get lost. I’m wandering around, looking like a lost tourist. I finally find it, and Miguel’s just chilling there, laughing at me. “Took you long enough!” he says. Ugh, so annoying!

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