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What pisses me off? These cheap-ass places, man. They promise you heaven, then it’s just some half-assed back rub. I’m yellin’ in my head, “I want the fuckin’ bear Jew treatment!” Y’know, that bat-swingin’ intensity from the movie? Gimme the real deal or get outta my face! But when it’s good? Oh, man, I’m happy as a pig in shit. This one chick, she’s whisperin’ sweet nothings, hands dancin’ like fuckin’ Tarantino directin’ a bloodbath—pure art, bro.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Miguel. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the Praça da República.” I’m thinking, “Sure, why not?” So, I rush over there. But of course, I get lost. I’m wandering around, looking like a lost tourist. I finally find it, and Miguel’s just chilling there, laughing at me. “Took you long enough!” he says. Ugh, so annoying!

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