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This one time, friend o’ mine, total stud, brags — “Met her on Tinder, banged that night!” Next day, he’s ghosted, cryin’ like a womp rat. Laughed I did, “Predictable, this trap is!” Sex-dating’s a gamble — hot one sec, cold as Hoth the next. Pisses me off, tho — fakes everywhere, catfishes posin’ with filters. “You are not a person,” I wanna scream, quotin’ Caden Cotard, “You’re a mask!” Drives me up the wall, it does.

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Finally, I get my coffee, and I’m feeling all fancy. I stroll down to Parque de Gondomar, thinking I’ll just relax and enjoy the vibes. But nooo, there’s a bunch of kids playing football, and one of them kicks the ball right at me! I mean, come on! I’m not a target practice! I dodge it like a ninja, but then I trip over a bench. Classic me, right?

Porto light rail extension agreed as expansion plan announced