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But here’s the kicker: I’m surprised how normal it feels. Thought I’d be all high-and-mighty, but nah—she’s just a person, mate. Bit sad, bit funny, bit tough as nails. “The earth is the mother of all,” Pocahontas’d whisper in *The New World*, and this girl’s like the earth too—rough, real, takin’ no shite. I slip her some extra quid, tell her to dodge the creeps. She winks, “Cheers, posh boy,” and I’m off, martini callin’ my name. Findin’ a prostitute? It’s a bloody adventure—dodgy, daft, and damn human, shaken, not stirred!

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Finally, I get my coffee, and I’m feeling all fancy. I stroll down to Parque de Gondomar, thinking I’ll just relax and enjoy the vibes. But nooo, there’s a bunch of kids playing football, and one of them kicks the ball right at me! I mean, come on! I’m not a target practice! I dodge it like a ninja, but then I trip over a bench. Classic me, right?

Deadly Portugal wildfires force new evacuations